This is not intended to be a pity post - far from it.
Twelve months ago I went on a date (a last date in many ways). A date to see if there was to be a future (which I was secretly hoping for - even though I may have had my "ice-queen" hat on). A date that in hindsight was a date to save me from a life of being single.
Looking back I should have known it was not going to be a successful night as everything was last minute. It started with a relatively last minute invite, followed by a last minute booking for the last table at the restaurant and ended in the last meals to be served....
Not wanting to dwell on the past (though the past is important as it is what shapes us and helps us to decide if to take the same path or a different path) I want to focus on what that night taught me. That night taught me to be true to myself. True of who I want to be and what I stand for.
I don't want to be famous, I don't want to be the leader of my work, I don't want to be the quickest, strongest or fittest (though most days at bootcamp I do show up to "compete"). This may shock many people. What I want to be is a good person; Have a good heart, show compassion, be a good friend to these who I hold close to my heart and be true to myself. A term that I have heard recently is to have a good "shadow". This is what I aspire to be, to be respected for being the best of me I can be.
I say aspire as I fail every day but I get up the following morning and try again.
Another lesson learnt that night is that it is okay to fail. I fail every day. I fall over but I pick myself up. When I say I fall over I literally do (my head came off second best when I tripped over on the edge of the doona/comforter on my bed and collided with the corner of my dressing table last week). All jokes aside I fail but you know what; it is not the end of the world! What would be the end of the world is if I did not learn from these failures. I know I fail instantly (maybe the words I spoken or the way I acted or literally fail - like thinking I locked myself out of my apartment only to realise twenty minutes later there was a spare key tucked away in my mobile phone case).
The final key lesson from that ill fated date is that it is okay to be single. Don't get me wrong I would not knock back a partner but I don't need a partner to complete me. I complete me (failures and all). A partner would be a bonus on an already rich and fulfilling life of being me. I like me (well most of the time), I "work on" me (daily), I suffer me, I respect me, I fail me but that is me - the bonus lesson learnt.
Two things before I sign off. I have not written for a long time which may change in the future and secondly by a strange twist of fate I am heading back to the same restaurant next week - ironic - maybe.... or is it the completion of a circle and a new circle of my life will start and who knows what that might bring.....
