Friends (Friendship)

Friendship is a relative new concept to me.

Apologies to those who may be shocked by this admission.

Growing up in a regional farming community in the 70's and 80's knowing I was different (later determined gay) to the other 7 boys at my local primary school I always found the concept of friendship difficult.  I did not have any friends.  Lunchtimes were spent alone in the makeshift library reading as I felt I did not really relate to anyone.  I participated at school in classes and physical education and even made the regional volleyball team in high school but for many years I would be alone.

Even today in numbers I have very few friends.  If we use social media as a measurement I currently have 53 friends.  I also have a follower on this blog but to be honest they are also a Facebook friend!

This number is low but that is not what is important.

As we move into an age (or I feel we are already there) where everything seems so disposable (from the family home and car through to the current pop sensation - Will people in 50 years time be commenting on the influence that say One Direction has had on popular music like they do about Elvis, The Beatles and the sounds of Motown?).  As a consequence of this changing age I value friendship very highly.

It sits near the top of any "what is important in life" lists that I do.  Most-times it is jostling with love for the Number 1 position but if I look at it objectively it should be Number 1 as love can be fleeting whilst true friendships endure.

What has brought me to write about his topic today?

Last night I shared an enjoyable and hospitable dinner with some friends that have put me ups for a couple of nights in a foreign city.  During eating dinner (which was awesome) and sharing an bottle of French red wine the topic became very personable but also at the same time very comfortable.  Even though we may not have all been on the same page with our views on the various topics discussed there was a common element of respect and also the ability to listen to the others thoughts and views.

This dinner, which finished late by normal standards was followed by my host getting up very early this morning to walk me to the Metro to purchase a ticket and also to give me easy to follow instructions of which stop to get off at and which signs to follow to transfer to a main line train.

These 2 events got me thinking that acquaintance would not do this where as true friends would.

True friendship takes many forms.

From someone lovingly preparing a meal for you in your kitchen as a thank you for giving them a cooking book for Christmas or a friend coming over after work and just sitting silently with you on your bed after a crap day at work.

I think we should cherish these little "gems" of friendship that occur everyday.  From being dropped of to the airport in the middle of the working day to my oldest friend who never complains when I ask for her new postal address (it is just that the old one is so installed in my mid that after 3 odd years I can still recite it).

Your true friends are there on the days when you lose your way and they are there to celebrate when you kick the winning goal.  Just as importantly you are there for them in both the good and not so good times.

Without sounding morbid but if i should happen to not be here tomorrow and if only half of my Facebook friends turned up to say their final good byes I would be extremely happy as I have had the privilege of sharing some major ups and downs with them.

So thank you my friends for reminding me daily that through this disposable life we pass through that there is at least 1 that that can endure the test of time.

Valentines Day

To be completely honest I am not a fan of Valentines Day.  Fortunately or unfortunately I have been single for more Valentines Days than I care to remember.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for people in relationships but this day always reminds me that I am single and all the self doubts that go along with this.

I am not sure if you are aware of Sharon Strzelecki from the television series Kath & Kim but I sometimes feel like Sharon.  Sharon is perpetually single, despite being secretly in love with her first love, Brett and has very little luck in the love stakes, even after finding her Shane Warne look-a-like.  "Poor Sharon; so unlucky in love".  So this year I decided to take a different approach.

The plan was to find other single people and enjoy a dinner out.  Easier said than done.  The finding of friends was straight forward but the enjoying could prove harder.  For some reason this day always makes be feel,..........well it is hard to explain.  Sometimes I feel that I am failure as I have not found a mate, other times I feel that there must be something wrong with me or that I have two heads on my shoulders that make me unattractive to others.

I know this is all silly and when I am in a rational mood these thoughts are deep and buried.  However there is something about the lead up to Valentines Day that peels aways all the layers of rationale to expose my self doubts.  The adverts for the romantic weekend getaways, romantic dinners, flowers, chocolates and stuffed toys are like emergency services sirens screaming at me and telling me I am single.  Then there is the day itself with the radio stations holding silly competitions and then there is the steady stream of flowers being delivered to the office and you know that none are going to make their way to your desk.  When you get home the news always has a piece about the value of flowers sold on that day and for some reason you want to take yourself out for dinner and then you realise that every venue you select will be full of smug couples.  So as you prepare your dinner you find that a bottle of red wine allows you to drown your sorrows as the television station advertises the Valentines Day themed viewing line up.

However for some reason (maybe I am maturing) or maybe it was the planning of the dinner I felt that I was doing something to keep the insecurities at bay.  Suddenly I felt as if it was just another Thursday evening catching up with good friends and enjoying a meal and of course each others conversation and company.

The conversation was flowing on all sorts of topics, the food was good and then the move to another venue for a cocktail and dessert was fun.

More importantly there were none of the usual insecurities for the day, I reflected and smiled to myself about the flowers coming to the office that day, the couples walking together hand in hand either going to or coming from their dinners out and enjoyed a great meal with great friends.

So was there a lesson learnt?  Maybe, maybe not.  What was learnt is that you need to take control of situations that make you feel insecure about yourself, as you should never be too down on yourself and revel in situations that you might find yourself in.

So thank you Valentines Day 2013.